I went to my first gay pride parade in Washington DC, otherwise known as Capital Pride. It wasn’t at all what I expected. I was raised in an LDS community in Utah. People in my community talked as though gay pride parades are pornographic and over-sexualized. Every now and again people from my community posted pictures of pride parades on social media as an apparent means of bragging about how accepting they are while simultaneously mocking the flamboyant. I came to a few important realizations at my first gay pride parade in Washington DC.
As you can imagine, a skewed perspective of pride parades caused me to feel a little nervous. I didn’t want to see genitals, grinding, or any other form of gross. While taking pictures, it dawned on me: gay pride parades are nothing like what I had heard. It was actually an enjoyable experience and genitals, grinding, and other forms of gross are much more prevalent on TV than they were at this parade.
Here’s how I came to this realization. I found myself taking tons and tons of pictures of people dressed flamboyantly. Here are a few examples.
That last picture is Misha, if you couldn’t tell. He’s so photogenic!
At some point I realized tons and tons of boring people were also walking in the parade and I had to wait for them to pass before I could take more pictures of people dressed flamboyantly. And that’s when I came to a pivotal realization. Gay pride parades, at least Capital Pride, have way more boring people marching in them than drag queens and drag kings. And I don’t take as many pictures of them because they look like me and dress like the people I encounter every day.
And that’s when I came to the next big realization. One purpose of gay pride parades is to show local communities that gays and lesbians (and all other members of the LGBTQ community) live and work a long side everyone else. “We’re here, we’re queer, get over it” as some might jest. A few of the memorable groups were gay and lesbian military personell, police, fire fighters, and other public service workers. And probably the most touching was the group of returned peace corps volunteers from around the world.
And then I came to the most moving realization about gay pride parades. It gives a chance for family members and friends of LGBTQ individuals to announce their support publicly. Members of PFLAG marched with signs like “I love my gay son” or “My two lesbian sisters rock”. I posted the picture below to Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram to see who would click like or retweet, which gave me a chance to see who my own allies are. It touched me to see the number of people in my life who love and support me.
The absolute most moving group was Mormons for Marriage Equality. By the time they had marched through, the crowd around us had died down. When the Mormons came through, people began to scream and cheer. The two guys holding the banner were smiling and giving out as many high fives as they could. People in the crowd pushed and shoved for their turn at high-fiving a Mormon who supported and loved them. And I was able to introduce Dan to an old mission friend marching under a banner of love and equality. I’ll admit. It’s hard not to feel slighted by all Mormons after everything that went down with Prop. 8 in California and everything Mormons are currently doing in Maryland to deny Dan and me our rights to equal protection under the law. My mission friend and I embraced and he continued marching. The crowd continued cheering. It gives me hope that things are getting better.
To all those who assume gay pride parades are about genitals, grinding, and other things that are gross, I hope you’ll think again. Gay pride parades are actually pretty boring. If I didn’t convince you gay pride parades aren’t what think, I hope you’ll at least let me gloat about how awesome the experience was for me. Never in my life have I felt so comfortable in my own skin and never have I seen so many people who love and support me. To the Mormons for Marriage Equality who marched in the Capital Pride parade, thank you! You gave me hope that it will get better.
I love this post Ryan! It is so true that the pictures people tend to gravitate to are the salacious, over-the-top ones that is just not a true reflection of the majority. I am so so happy that you finally felt “so comfortable in your own skin” and that you felt loved and supported. Was the mission friend Austin or someone else? Love it!
Aw, thanks Madelene! It’s hard not to feel loved and supported when I have awesome friends (e.g., you, Austin). But sometimes bad policy detracts from those feelings and it’s easy to get weighed down. Here’s to hoping things will change in November (that’s when Maryland voters vote on the referendum, kinda like what happened with Prop. 8)!!
It was an awesome experience from the other side (marching) too! (Yes, it was me, Madelene.) it was so great to see you again, Ryan, and to finally meet Dan, even if only briefly. Haha I thought we were getting close to the end of the parade route when I saw you, but we still had about 3/4 left to go! 🙂
I’m glad you now how proof Dan isn’t just an alter ego. And I feel incredibly stupid that I didn’t know you’d be marching. I thought you just wanted to meet up and watch the parade with us haha.
Ha, I feel stupid too, because I should have mentioned that! 🙂 Oh well, it worked out alright!
Ryan I could murder you in your sleep. I WAS THERE! I’m even in your dang picture (turquoise shirt holding the LDS (heart) LGBT sign). I would have loved to meet you! I felt the same way you did, too. I thought I was going to have to carry my sign (or my daughter) and keep my eyes to the ground the entire way so as not to scar my innocent and pure (ha) brain. It was NOTHING like that. And even the dudes in front of us who sort of scantily clad were some of the nicest guys I’ve ever met. I was shocked at how NOT SHOCKING the whole thing was.
It was moving and incredibly humbling to be a part of that parade. There just aren’t words to describe that day. I didn’t go five feet without someone yelling or mouthing the words “thank you” to me. People were yelling, “We love the Mormons!”…how often have gay people yelled that sentence? It was a complete honor to be there and something that made me more sure of my feelings than I ever have been before.
I’m just filled with murderous rage that I didn’t get to meet you in real life.
I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were going… PS. My cats are fierce and you wouldn’t make it past the kitchen before they snuggle you to death and stop you from killing me.
Do you live in DC?
I live in Arlington. Let’s get lunch sometime!
Okay! I have the rest of this week and next week off. I live in Columbia so that’s kinda far away. We could meet in the middle?
Thanx for sharing this perspective, Ryan. I hope it goes viral. :o)
–rick in SLC
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