The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 4,000 times in 2013. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 3 trips to carry that many people.
When I heard the news about the Supreme Court ruling on DOMA and Prop 8, I was at work. A lot of people had a difficult time focusing on projects and we took frequent breaks to check the news. A few minutes after 10:00 am, I pulled out my phone to check Twitter and bam. There it was. From the man himself.
We took a moment to celebrate together. It was awesome to be surrounded by people who were happy about a monumental win for equality. I took to other social media to celebrate with friends back home, and I was quickly reminded that not everyone was happy about it. I mean, Jesus is crying about it after all.
And then Michelle Bachmann was all:
And the rest of the world was like, “Woa, what does that even mean?” Personally, I think she’s grabbing a pair of imaginary breasts. That’s the only thing that explains the positioning of her hands and that facial expression.
On the drive home from work, I listened to the news and experienced a lot of different emotions. Excitement about having full protection — on a state level and now on a national level — and gratitude to be surrounded by supportive people. I haven’t always had that privilege.
My mind shot back to Utah when listening to Rachel Maddow. She talked about a hypothetical couple, married in a state that recognizes same-sex couples, that relocates to Utah. What happens to them? What happens to their marriage? What do they do about their taxes? What if they have kids — do they continue to enjoy legal protections for their children?
These types of questions reminded us that we just took an “admittedly somewhat underwhelming but inarguably forward-facing move outside the Supreme Court Building“. And conservatives have it right: this *is* progress and there’s still more ground to gain before full equality is achieved. And we probably won’t stop at human equality: We’re coming for your pets!
After reading so many posts like this on social media, I had a sobering thoughts. I’ve had 30 years to build up tolerance for these types of statements. There was a time of life when I was even more sensitive than I am now, a time of life when I was afraid of people figuring out my secret. And even though I’m here now, there are people currently at the stage where I once was. The things shared with them during Sunday school lessons, fast and testimony meetings, fifth Sunday lessons, and shot around during casual conversations, will stick with them.
They’ve stuck with me. I remember my bishop sharing Boyd K. Packer’s pamphlet “To the One”. In the pamphlet, he shared a story about a missionary who was hit on by another missionary, and the missionary who was hit on punched the other. Or as he described to Packer, he “floored” him. And Packer responded, “Well, someone had to do it.” I was afraid. Adults have the capacity to think about the context — he might have been referring to a situation that involved a potential sexual assault. Kids, on the other hand, probably don’t think about context. I didn’t. All I thought was, “Person who is gay, like me, get’s punched. Church leader gives approval. My peers find out I’m gay. I get punch. They get kudos from the bishop.” That’s a terrifying place to be. Or to hear one of your leaders talk about how gay people should be drown in the ocean. And then go on church and scout trips with him near large bodies of water and wonder, “Would he…?” It causes you to wonder, constantly, what people really think and what they would really do if they knew.
I feel compelled to speak up for them because I remember how powerful and liberating it was when people spoke up for me.
And then I read headlines about violence — hate crimes — against gay people. It can be terrifying. Mathew Sheppard’s mom talked about how she wishes her son was still alive to see DOMA go down, and I’m reminded how far we’ve come.
We’ve come far enough that companies are realizing gay people have been part of an untapped market.
And of course, Google. They’re so gay, I think I might buy one of their tablets.
And movie stars refuse to marry until gay people can marry.
And then I go back to social media and I’m reminded again about how much more progress we need to make. Especially if this guy has a gay child:
At some point, I realize you become callous and desensitized. You don’t realize how much you close and harden up. Until you listen a song like this, and read a comment like this.
We’re making progress. Shame and fear of being gay are becoming less common. Like Macklemore said:
Here are some popular Google searches that pull up my blog as well as additional resources.
Annotated church membership records
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church, aka Mormons) “annotates” (places an “asterisk” on) membership records of gay members for various reasons one of which, purportedly, is to protect children from the gays. John Dehlin interviewed Benji Schwimmer about it here and there’s more about annotations of membership records here. If you want to watch full two-hour interview with Benji/John, you can find that here or click the image below.
I don’t think this is true… Thomas S. Monson, however, is the current president of the LDS Church. This search probably relates to the idea that Mormons are/were polygamists and married lots of young girls back in the day.
If same-sex marriage is legal then few babies will be born
Mathematically this doesn’t make any sense — providing rights for gay couples probably won’t change whether they’ll go out and have babies and it definitely won’t change whether straight couples have babies. If anything, legal protections will result in gay couples raising more children. This also sounds like the idea that if you “put all the gays on and island and they’ll all die out”. That may or may not be true, but at least you’ll move us some place awesome.
I grouped these two popular searches together because it sounds like closeted gay Mormons looking for support groups or something along those lines. So… here are some support groups and resources for gay Mormons. The only one I participated in is North Star. The concept of North Star is unique and works for a lot of people — create a social network of gay Mormons who can support each other and create a community. The bad thing about it is there’s a lot going on behind the scenes (i.e., romance, exploration, etc.) that makes it a little volatile and is not the place for anyone who disagrees with the LDS Church’s stance on marriage equality.
Even more creepy is the new Facebook search feature. You can search for gay people in geographic locations. Here’s a search “men interested in men who go to Utah State University” and “men interested in men who live in Logan Utah“. From these searches you’ll find people like Vote USU and presumably straight men pictured with their wife in front of temples who like Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, Donnie Osmond, and Mitt Romney (someone should probably tell this guy he should take a closer look at his profile, although Donnie Osmond makes sense). So, before you ask any of these guys out, just make sure their wives are okay with it. And hey, it’s not really creepy if Facebook enables you to use your stalker skills.
One place you’re sure to find gay people — Cafe Ibis. I’ve heard gay people get together every Sunday around noon and call it “church”. If there are no gay people there, you’ll at least get to listen to live music and enjoy a cup of awesome coffee. Or you can just people watch and check out the counter culture on Federal Avenue. There’s a great sandwich place there too: The Italian Place so if you don’t like coffee or counter culture, you can get a good sandwich.
And if you just want to know where the nice people are in Logan, Utah, check out this Facebook group or follow John Dehlin on Facebook — he posts regularly about gay issues and get togethers. Ironically, a lot of allies have left the LDS Church or have mixed views on LDS history. It’s hard to find “faithful” or “true believing” Mormons who are okay with the gay.
For those of you Googling things like “gay sex in Logan Utah” or “gay missionaries in Logan Utah”, there’s an app for that.
And unfortunately there are no gay clubs in Logan, Utah. However, there is a gay club listed on FourSquare named Jordan but Google street view pulls up an elementary school. Someone has a sense of humor.
Jordan, a gay bar in Logan, Utah resembles an elementary school.
It’s not too uncommon for us to be with friends or co-workers and someone mention something silly or mischievous their kids have done recently and we respond “Our cats do that too!” So, without further adieu, here is proof that our cats do things that make them just like children.
They spread their toys everywhere and never clean up after themselves.
They would rather play with the boxes their toys come in than the toys themselves.
They love playing with bubbles.
They scratch themselves in public.
They hold your things hostage and demand your attention.
They love watching the same shows over and over.
And they always fall asleep in front of the TV and have to be carried off to bed.
They love playing hide-and-seek.
They’d rather eat from our plates than their own.
They love blanket forts.
They like wearing dad’s shoes.
They’re always fighting.
They’re always putting their elbows on the table.
They climb all over you while you’re on the phone with the credit card company.
They sleep in the weirdest positions.
They insist on sleeping between us. And hog all the covers.
And sometimes all reasonable forms of discipline fail and we do things we know we shouldn’t do. But it’s pretty effective at keeping them out of trouble.
Today is the last day of LDS General Conference — a time when Mormons all over the world get together and listen to their leaders talk on a range of faith-based topics. Among those topics are commitment and love and how to improve relationships with your spouse. LDS leaders give advice to men: listen to your wives, support them, help them, love them, etc. They give advice to women: listen to your husbands, support them, help them, love them, etc.
Seeing posts by friends on social media about General Conference makes me wonder something I think is important for a church that’s on the record against same-sex marriage and relationship. Do these same principles apply for gay couples? Senator Heigi Heitkamp of North Dakota has an answer:
There’s been a surge of traffic to my blog about LDS temples being shut down or forced to perform same-sex marriages in the temple. It’s something a lot of people fear, not just Mormons, and apparently it’s on a lot of minds again. I wrote a blog post about this a while back and made these points:
Exemptions are usually written into laws for religious organizations that don’t believe in same-sex marriage
A lot of churches have made LGBTQ members feel unwelcome so even if they allowed same-sex marriage, LGBTQ members probably wouldn’t want to be married in your churches or temples anyway
The LDS Church currently discriminates against any straight member(s) when it comes to marriage (e.g., couples who have sex before marriage can’t get married in the temple)
And there’s a lot of bad information out there on the topic. All we have to do to get good information is read the laws and draw our own conclusions about whether or not this can/will happen. Maryland’s ballot measure is a good example to look at. Here’s the wording of the law:
“Establishes that Maryland’s civil marriage laws allow gay and lesbian couples to obtain a civil marriage license, provided they are not otherwise prohibited from marrying; protects clergy from having to perform any particular marriage ceremony in violation of their religious beliefs; affirms that each religious faith has exclusive control over its own theological doctrine regarding who may marry within that faith; and provides that religious organizations and certain related entities are not required to provide goods, services, or benefits to an individual related to the celebration or promotion of marriage in violation of their religious beliefs.”
20 words related to the rights of gay/lesbian couples and about 50 on religious exemption. So, will churches be forced to perform same-sex marriages? Not a chance — there’s nothing to be afraid of.
The National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH) lost their tax exempt status recently as reported here by the IRS. I suspect NARTH supporters will be all up in arms and try to use this news to make people think they lost tax exempt status for reasons related to hating gays or something like that. But… it just looks like they didn’t do their paperwork… for three years in a row. Woops.
No they won’t. Don’t flatter yourself or your religion. And no, churches in Denmark aren’t being forced to perform same-sex marriages.
An article at http://www.telegraph.uk.co that suggested churches will be forced to perform same-sex marriages is inaccurate.
The Church of Denmark is a state church, meaning it receives financial support from the government. When the government passed marriage equality, any institution receiving financial support from the government must perform same-sex marriage. However, there is a caveat in the law: priests opposed to same-sex marriage are not required to perform the ceremony; they simply direct the couple to a different church or priest who will perform the marriage. The LDS Church does not receive financial support from the government in Denmark and therefore is not required to perform same-sex marriages. Moreover, even if they did receive financial support from the government, they would simply direct the couple to a different church.
There is talk that the LDS Church is going to redefine marriage yet again. In fact, this redefinition would mean they will stop performing marriages altogether. Instead, they will refer to marriage (or unions) as a “sealing” and only perform sealings. If the talk is true, this might mean sealings performed in temples and marriages performed in meetinghouses will not be state-sanctioned. In other words, my marriage would be equivalent to an LDS marriage or sealing: none of us would receive any legal protection for having a ceremony. However, heterosexual (Mormon) couples could still obtain a marriage certificate from the state. This might be a good move for the LDS Church.
LDS temple in Salt Lake City, Utah
Regardless, even if things continue as is, the LDS Church won’t be required to perform same-sex marriages in temples or meetinghouses. Here’s why: they don’t even have to perform marriages for heterosexual members if they don’t want to. Couples who engage in pre-marital sex (even though they have the legal right to marry at a state level) aren’t allowed to marry in an LDS Church or temple. The fact that heterosexual marriage is legal does not dictate to the Church what they do within the Church. There is no reason to believe it is any different for homosexual couples.
Finally, remember how you’ve made gay and lesbian members feel unwelcome at church? They’re still going to feel unwelcome when same-sex marriage is recognized.
Will the legalization of same-sex marriage bring with it gay and lesbian members of the LDS Church who want to marry same-sex partners in the temple? No.
Gay couple kisses in front of the LDS temple in Salt Lake City, Utah to protest Proposition 8
During a Facebook discussion about marriage equality, someone on my friend list posed this question to me (after defending her religiously sanctioned heterosexual marriage):
Why should the government recognize your relationship?
I was less passionate about my response then as I am now. Right now Dan and I are trying to figure out what we’ll do as far health benefits go. Long story short, because the government doesn’t recognize our relationship, we’re losing a lot of money our married heterosexual co-workers get. That may not seem like a big deal; it’s only several thousand dollars per year, after all. But it is a big deal. Not only is it more expensive for us because we can’t share benefits at work, the benefits we can get other places aren’t as good. In other words, we have to pay more to get less.
Many argue that civil unions and domestic partnerships are “separate but equal”. Nothing is farther from the truth. Neither my place of work nor Dan’s offer benefits to people in civil unions or domestic partnerships. Essentially, it’s communicated to us that because we’re gay our relationship isn’t as good and doesn’t deserve the same benefits. We’re less than.
Separate but equal is not equal
As religious institutions push to legislate “separate but equal” relationship statuses (e.g., Prop 8/22 in California, Amendment 1 in North Carolina, etc), I encourage you to think about how this impacts Dan and I in our places of work. If the government would recognize our relationship, things would be much more simple.
Religious institutions push to legislate their beliefs of (heterosexual) marriage as the only valid marriage