The YouTube video below is a really good snap shot or overview of where society stood on gay rights issues in the distant past and how far we have progressed as a society in the recent past. I’ve often wondered what people will ask me in the future about this time. 50 years from now will younger generations understand what the gay rights movement was about? WIll the movement even be over in 50 years? Either way, it’s exhilarating to think history is being written right now. I will be a part of history. You will be a part of history. A question was posed in this video–which side of history will you be on? Do you know? Do I know?
“It’s really embarrassing, when you think about it. Just the fact that people in this century were actually saying things like, ‘No, gays should not be allowed to marry,’ and were getting all up in arms about it, as if homosexuals weren’t full citizens or something. It’s insane.”
Another student asked, “If they thought it was the right thing to do, why didn’t President Clinton or Obama or whoever just say, ‘Hey, discriminating against gay people is wrong, so let’s let them get married’?”
Why isn’t it that simple? I’m not sure. For everyone out there who feels like they should be supportive of gay marriage, why don’t you come out in support of gay marriage? The Governor of Washington State recently explained one reason why she was against gay marriage for 7 years (and why she had a change of opinion): social pressure.
Gay bulling is receiving more and more attention in the media and schools and students are doing more to fight bullying. As discussions take place, some have gone as far as sayingbullying gay youth is healthy. In fact, the Elementary and Secondary Education Re-authorization Act (ESEA) made it out of committee without protections from bullying for sexual orientation. This is surprising in part because LGBTQ youth are more likely to commit or attempt suicide and report such high rates of bullying. Here are some statistics:
50% of elementary and middle school bullying incidents are based on gender or orientation slurs
80% of high school youth harassed as gay identify as heterosexual
These youth are 5 times more likely to attempt suicide than their non-harassed peers
Among those who identify as transgender, 60% are attacked in violent assaults
Gay slurs have been part of all school shootings
I haven’t cared any more or any less than typical concerned citizens. I make sure I don’t take part in hate speech, and I make sure to comment when gay is used as a derogatory term. I was a typical concerned citizen until I attended a USU basketball game. USU basketball fans are known for being loud, energetic, and passionate. It’s an awesome experience.
But there’s another side to the coin. USU fans can also say things that leave students, spectators, and potential future USU students feeling uncomfortable, especially LGBTQ students. As an example, a group of guys sitting a few rows behind Dan and me shouted gay slurs every chance they got. Don’t agree with the call a ref made? Shout “you’re a faggot!” A member of the opposing travels? Shout “you’re a queer!”
Moreover, we were sitting next to the student section in the section USU reserves for recruits, visitors, scholars, and future (potential) students. What image are USU fans giving off to these people? That USU is potentially not a safe place for LGBTQ persons. This gives off the impression to people outside of Utah that this behavior is acceptable to Utahns. This needs to change.
Tell USU administrators they need to be more concerned about their public image.
These epithets weren’t directed at me or Dan per se, but they caused us to squirm in our seats. The exhilaration of the cheering became less exhilarating. You worry for your safety. What if they notice our wedding bands? Will we become the subject of their taunts? What happens when we leave the Spectrum — will we be safe? Or will we be another hate-crime statistic in Utah?
The only recourse we have is to remain silent and tune out the epithets. Moreover, hate speech laws in Utah don’t include sexual orientation. We could address it with school officials, but what more can they say other than “I’m sorry you experienced this” or “That’s upsetting, and I don’t agree with them.”
Questions I pose to readers are:
How common are gay slurs at USU basketball games (or other sporting events)?
It goes without saying that parents are afraid of at least one thing: the possibility that one of their children may one day identify as gay or lesbian. It is easy to understand the fear. Will my child be bullied at school? Will he be fired from a job for being gay? Will she be denied academic opportunities because she is lesbian? Will he fall victim to hate crimes like Mathew Shepard?
Some of the fears might be based on the possibility of unrealized expectations: Will I have grandchildren? Will I have a daughter- or son-in-law? For LDS (Mormon) parents these last questions have eternal importance: Will I be in heaven with my gay child in the next life? Will he or she be sealed to a companion (of opposite gender) for eternity? Or will my child go to the Telestial Kingdom? In short, what would you do if your child is that one — the one who is gay?
Perhaps these questions fueled the publication of the book Encouraging Heterosexuality: Helping Children Develop a Traditional Sexual Orientation. This book, as you might guess from the title, is about an “approach which…demonstrates how faith, tradition and science are complementary in the search for what is best for children” (DeseretBook.com). Deseret Book also notes that “Their message is… parents can prefer and encourage heterosexuality in their children and can do so without disrespect of criticism for those who believe or differently [sic]”.
I don’t disagree with Deseret Book: parents really can do all those things. Many probably have and many more will with support and permission from Deseret Book and the authors. My question is about the ethics behind encouraging a child to become heterosexual, especially when those methods assume that “most of those who later identify as homosexual report gender nonconformity in their histories”.
In my opinion, the mechanism behind encouraging heterosexuality in children is negative reinforcement. I’m not referring to the mechanism that controls the behavior of the child but the mechanism that controls the behavior of the parent. That is, “If I engage in behavior X (e.g., removal of feminine toys) then my child will stop engaging in behavior Y (e.g., playing with feminine toys).” Negative reinforcement, by definition, increases the likelihood (so long as the child’s behavior is stops) that the parent will continue to engage in behavior X.
The ethical component comes in when the child’s behavior ceases for a time: what effect will this have on the parent’s behavior? He or she is more likely to increase the intensity of their behavior (extinction burst). And should that behavior come in contact with reinforcement as a result of the extinction burst, the behavior will continue to be shaped up and become more intense until the parent resorts to punishment.
Punishment procedures have even been used. Read for yourself in the actual study from the publication on page 180 using the search term “spanking” or “physical punishment”. And what happened at in-home therapy sessions? Siblings report their brother was beaten rather than spanked for engaging in feminine behavior at home. Not surprisingly, this child committed suicide later in life.
So should we encourage heterosexuality in children? I don’t know. But I do know we need to be careful about how we treat children. The consequences speak for themselves.
Hopefully we follow the example of Linda from the video above:
“God, please help me find the right words! Don’t let me screw this up! I wanted to tear into him! Instead, she reports “I felt loving arms embrace us both… That moment lasted for hours with the only words spoken…